she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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