I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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