Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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