So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
