All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
