Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
