I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
