my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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