I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
