Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
