Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
