in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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