I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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