remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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