none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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