do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
