are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
