also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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