And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
