God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
