I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
