you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
