Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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