just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
