Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
