she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
