She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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