Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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