dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
