so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize