do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
