she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
