Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
