I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
