You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bring me that man meat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
