I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
