Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
