Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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