there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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