The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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