So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have fence marks all over my body
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
