They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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