Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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