apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize