He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
