Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
