What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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