True but thats because hes a fetus.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
