I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
