That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A bitchslap is in order.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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