I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
