I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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