Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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