david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize