I just saw a hot homeless man
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
