hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
