If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Even my vagina gasped.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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