Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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