11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
