and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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