Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize