she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
