i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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