He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
