1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
