There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
