who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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